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You’d Think I’d Know to Listen By Now…

/ kaley walls / Leave a comment

I’m a big believer that everything happens for a reason and, by the time you reach the end, you’ll realize that everything was really always connected all along.

The universe knows better than me, so why do I keep trying to outsmart her?
The universe knows better than me, so why do I keep trying to outsmart her?

Every person you meet and every experience you have is like a paving stone, if you will, something that gives you a footing while the next stone is in transit. In my mind, it’s why we end up with these pauses in life. Those in-between times. Nothing is seemingly happening, but so much is happening beyond our scope, aligning for when we are ready to step off of where we stand.

I tend to get awfully frustrated in these moments. Usually I’m coming off of some kind of emotional rollercoaster and I’m goddamned good and ready to blow this popsicle stand and get on with things. I have discovered, however, (or am discovering) that the pause is absolutely necessary. Fundamental, really. Without it, we might leap before the next stone is laid and miss whatever experience or person is meant to bring it to us.

On a good day, I have next to no patience. I want the universe to adhere to my timeline. And in those moments of hostile frustration, I swear, if I strain my ear, I can hear her (the universe) chuckling. In an air of, “yeah, okay, sweetheart. Let me get right on that for you.” I usually have to run through the cycle, stomping around, cursing, gesticulating wildly, until I weary of the trudge. At which point clarity usually descends and I can let it go. Restoring my trust in the universe and that she truly knows better than me.

You’d think in 31 years I would’ve learned to sit back and accept the in-between times, regardless of how I feel about my own readiness. Enjoy it. Absorb it. Feel it.

But no.

I still flail about for awhile, exhausting myself. And for what? The universe always does what she wants anyway. And I mean that in the purest sense. If you believe in her, she won’t lead you astray.

Things just may seem foggy for awhile until the answers do show up. But they do show up. In my experience, the answers do show up. Even if in unexpected or silent ways.

They say patience is a virtue and, lord help me, I do not have it in spades. But I try. I forget my way almost every time, but I do try. And that has to count for something, right?

k.

I Don’t Write Every Day. Ever.

/ kaley walls / Leave a comment

It’s true. I don’t write every day. Hell, I barely can write a couple of times a week. Over the years, I’ve tried my damnedest to, at minimum, journal every day because, well, at least that’s something, right? A quick synopsis of my day, or a commentary on some trivial event, or a kernel of some thought I need to unpack. I string the days together for awhile, do a really great job of writing in there every single day.

Then, BAM! Six, or 16, days roll on by, and I lead off with, “Well, so much for that run,” or some variation of “Man, I’m really bad at this writing thing.”

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When not writing is still writing.

I spend a lot of time berating myself for not being a “better writer,” wondering why in goodness’s name I can’t do this “right.” My voice of self-criticism is an awfully loud one, and I think she has the power to scare away my inspiration, my will to write, my desire to create something different.

And then I read this article this morning from Electric Literature, answering a reader’s question on whether he or she is still a writer even if he or she doesn’t write every day.

And the resounding answer was, “Yes! Of course!”

The article is broken down into things you can do while you’re not writing, that ultimately help your writing, and it really spoke to me. When I’m not writing, I have more time for reading, for experiencing, and for thinking. Any and all of those three things can serve for fodder for future scribbles. If I’m not reading, then I’m not challenging and expanding my writer’s tool kit. If I’m not experiencing, then I’m not living life and giving myself something to write about. If I’m not thinking, then I’m not percolating new ideas or patterns or coming to absorb those readings or understand those experiences. And if I’m not doing any of that, well, then, what’s there to write about?

Creativity is, and always be, an incredibly individual pursuit. What works for one writer completely stalls and holds up the next. And let’s not even talk about the process of the third! It takes all kinds of crafts and artists to bring beauty into this sometimes (okay, often) ugly world, and the comparisons between two artists is something that hampers that beautiful, creative offering.

At the most basic level, each of us, every single human on this piece of rock, has a story and we’re all trying to figure out a way to explain it and/or share it. The creatives feel their stories, experiencing the words or the music or the drawings individually and completely. So, if my story and creative process is unique, then how come I’m so worried I’m “doing it wrong?” In theory, there should be no wrong way. Because, in the end, it will have culminated in something worthy of being in the world, even if I took a different route to get there, right?

So, I’m told.

But still I struggle with this feeling of being a fraud, even with a double major in Creative Writing and English Literature. I literally majored in writing and reading and still, still, I find myself fighting against my creativity. To the point that I’ve wondered if I am even a creative person at all or if it was a lie I told myself.

This article this morning, though, released a weight I didn’t even realize I was carrying. I do things differently than other writers, but that’s okay. That doesn’t make me any less of a writer. Because when I do write, it feels so good, a tantalizing piece of my soul that I can play with, hear what she has to say. It’s a cathartic process that somehow clears the debris of my muddled brain and gives me some semblance of clarity, especially if I’m mulling over a specific trouble or quandary.

So, while I might not write every day, I do still write. I do turn away from my craft when the rest of my world gets overwhelmingly chaotic, but I always, always come back to it. And maybe that’s the point: it’s my returning that makes me the writer, not so much the fact that I don’t write every day.

What’s your favourite way to get back into your writing process? I’d love to hear it.

Until next time.

-kw.

 

My Writing Process: The Things I Do to Find the Creativity

/ kaley walls / Leave a comment

So, you’re the creative type. You write, edit, sing, draw, act, all of the above. Do you have a process?

I think we all do, but sometimes we don’t always realize it. I’m a perfect example. For the longest time, I didn’t realize that I actually had a “process.” A writing process. A series of habits strung together to help me find the creativity dwelling in my soul, that sometimes gets stuck in the cracks instead of percolating with a ferocity that leaves me proud.

Life is busy, and the busier I am, the harder it is for me to tap into the good things I want to put on paper. And sometimes what I write isn’t good. In fact, it’s drivel. Awful. Simply terrible. But instead of honouring the fact that I wrote at all, I berate myself for not creating pure genius every time I set pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. Some days, it’s a big win to just get some words out, even if they’re on a scrap napkin or the corner of a file at work, and I need to remember that. At best, I wrote something that will turn into something amazing down the line. At worst, I wrote.

And my writing process helps me sink into that warm place. First, for me, it’s all about the tunes and the perfect cup of coffee in the same Starbucks mug. Have you ever checked out 8tracks.com? If you haven’t, you need to. You can search different tags, depending on the mood you’re in, and find the perfect playlist to have in the background. Lately, I’ve been digging the soundtracks and orchestral pieces, like the Harry Potter suite (yes, I know I’m a dork.) They’re the perfect moody selections to add the background music to my writings. As for the coffee, I’ve got this amazing Starbucks mug I got when I was in Hawaii (Maui, specifically), and it’s just sort of become my writing mug. It’s the one I use for every French press of coffee I make while writing. Maybe it’s superstition, but it works. Coffee just tastes better and the ideas flow better.

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What is your writing, or creative, process?

I usually start a project at home, work for a few hours, and then head out to my favourite Starbucks location in Victoria: Cadboro Bay. Since I was in university, this has been my favourite place to work. It’s busy, but not loud, and the energy is just right. I can’t explain it other than it feels like home to me. Even when I lived in Calgary, I longed to be able to come to this location and work for a few hours. Whether it’s morning, afternoon, or evening, this is my go-to.

The biggest change to my writing process I’ve made in the last year or so is going back to writing with paper and pen. Some writers I’ve talked to say that this method gets them stuck further in their brains, but I find that it lets me loose. It releases me from the internal dialogue of, “Is this good enough? What a terrible thing for a character to say. Oh, god, what kind of idea is that?” I simply write. I let everything go and let the words come. I’ve found recently that some of my biggest eurekas have come when I’ve zoned out and don’t realize how much I’ve written until I’m at the bottom of another page. When I go back and read what I’ve put down, I smile with the hope that maybe everything will be okay, the words are still there.

So, what does your writing process look like? What’re your habits that help to tap into the creative genius?

Let me know! I want to hear all about them.

Much love,
– k.